sisterly firsts

everybody asks what it is like having a twin sister.

imagine having your best friend with you all the time.

imagine being able to talk about anything and everything,

and she understands because she lives your life.

this statement is entirely true, because i have something

imperative to tell her every other second.

this year has been hard because the longest we have ever spent apart was this summer.

in nineteen years, the longest we had ever been apart was two weeks.

until this summer when i left her in logan the first weekend in may,

and didn't see her again until the middle of august.

hardest three and a half months of my life.

but, heaven knows it was a trial run of what my mission is going to be like.

as a kid, the teacher asks you who your best friend is,

and my answer was always rae.

i didn't have many "best friends" in school,

but rae was always there.

we walked through life together.

we started elementary school together.

we walked through the doors to middle school together.

high school was an adventure we took on together.

college was a life changer we supported each other through.

 i can't imagine walking onto a plane by myself,

meeting my future without her.

i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

firsts are always something we supported each other through.

rae got her first glasses and i was there to tell her she looked good in them.

rae judged me as i tried on my first colorguard uniform.

we were in the car together when we took our newly issued permits for the first spin.

we entered the temple together on our first time.

our first cross country drive was together.

and so many more.

but there are some firsts i haven't shared with her,

and firsts she hasn't shared with me.

i can't share or talk with her about the experiences of being endowed.

i can't show her the feelings i have about the people that i worked with this summer.

there are some feelings that i can't show her and it hurts.

i can't talk with her about her boyfriend,

because i've never had one.

i can give her advice based on the things i have seen from her life.

i am that voice of reason in the back of her head

that says "five dates before you bring him to meet the family."

the voice that says "i approve" and makes the relationship legit.

she trusts me, and i trust her.

there are so many things i want to share with her about the things i saw

in the temple, but i can't talk to her about them, mostly because

she can't go there with me. and it's killing me.

and there is nothing more in the world that i want than to share that with her.

there are so many beautiful things in the temple that i want to discuss

and she can't do it with me.

sure, i have my mom or my dad, or my wonderful family.

but i want my sister.

we will always be best friends.

we will always be the ones we turn to for advice.

but we are our own person and this is where the road takes us apart for a time.

but the roads run parallel, and we will be together. forever.

my mom always encouraged us to be our own person.

we never walked around in matching outfits.

coordinating, maybe, but never matching.

we were given the option: 

band or orchestra?

red or green?

vanilla or chocolate?

alone or together?

and in many ways, we are complete opposites.

i loved band. rae thrived at orchestra.

i love red, rae prefers the cooler color of green.

i love vanilla, she loves the chocolate heart attack of rocky road.

i love the silence of being alone, rae loves the social life.

but we dragged each other into each others lives.

rae drug me into so many dumb social activities that i ended up loving.

i got rae to enjoy vanilla bean ice cream.

but, we still support each other in our differences.

orchestra concerts are terribly boring, but i went.

rae went to football games for the social aspect, but loved to watch me perform.

we compliment each other.

we are each other's person.

she's my person.

a hallelujah christmas

christmas music is my favorite.

i'm one of the those people who looks forward to

the day after thanksgiving to crank up the christmas tunes

and sing along for the next month to all of my favorites.

there are so many wonderful, fun ones to sing, 

but my favorite christmas songs are those sung about

CHRIST.

for this is His season after all.

this season has been a special one for me, 

mostly because i know that next year,

i will be among friends, not family for christmas.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints put out this wonderful video

about the first gift of christmas and issued a challenge to all the world,

to discover the gift, embrace the gift, and then to share the gift in the coming year.

then a few weeks ago, one of my friends shared this on facebook, 

this song has been sung by many an artist, but never before like this.

cloverton does an amazing job of refocusing the lyrics on the christmas season

and it was actually released two years ago.

but, this song is amazing, and i challenge you to just listen to the lyrics.

and then, the piano guys went out and did this:

the guinness world record for largest live nativity.

the arrangement is phenomenal

(what else would you expect from the piano guys, peter hollen, and david archuleta)

and again, the lyrics are enough to give me the chills.

this song is about forty years old, and has been redone by many artists,

but there is something about a country christmas song that always does me in.

mary, did you know? focuses on Mary, and begs so many beautiful questions.

what made the baby cry focuses more on the members of the nativity,

and what was going on their heads.

this christmas season, hug your families close.

let them know how much you love them, not by how much you spend on them,

but by how much time you spend with them.

let them know you love them by saying "i love you" and truly meaning.

be an example, and #sharethegift

He is risen, He lives, and He wants us to return to live with Him.

holiness to the lord.

friday was the day.

i posted these words on instagram and they are totally true

I love to see the temple, I'm going there today to feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. 

For the temple is a House of God, a place of love and beauty. 

I've prepared myself while I was young; this is my sacred duty.

ever since i was in primary, i have sung the song "I Love to See the Temple"

and sung about going inside some day.

up until last year, i always thought that it would so that i could be married in the temple

a few short weeks after.

but as i read my patriarchal blessing again, and began to understand that the Lord

wanted me to serve a mission, i have known that i would be going through the temple

so that a few weeks later, i could go and do what the Lord had commanded me to do:

serve the people.

friday was the day that i had spent years dreaming about.

what did the rest of the temple look like?

i had been inside of the atlanta temple before, during an open house,

and i remember being taken aback by the simple beauty there was to behold there.

what i didn't understand, is how much more beautiful it is after it had been dedicated.

sitting in the center of the temple, with people who love and support you, 

and with people you hardly know, yet share a common reason for being there,

is such an amazing feeling. 

there was another family there, taking their son through the temple

so that he would be prepared to serve as well.

he reports to the mexico city mtc a few weeks after i report to the provo one,

but the joy was there on his face that i felt in my heart.

there are many wonderful things that i can't discuss with you about the temple,

but the beauty still exists. the covenants i made there are special to me, 

and i don't want anyone to ever jeopardize that for me, or for themselves.

i know understand why the mission of the missionaries is to get investigators to the temple.

there are so many beautiful things that simply solidify the testimony that you have already.

if you can, go. prepare yourself, understand the proper reason for going.

and get yourself to the temple. 

"I urge all who have not yet received these greatest of all blessings within the walls of the temple to do whatever may be necessary to qualify to receive them."

-James E. Faust-

another few steps closer.

i wish to share with you my crazy weeks, but first

i share with you, my friend's because she does it

so much more eloquently than i. 

{ laughing aloud }

i don't know if you have been keeping tabs,

but i am 24 days out from the mtc, and

i don't feel like i am prepared at all.

this week though, i was doing good to get a lot of things done:

1. a letter from the police, saying that "no, i am not a criminal." -- check

2. my passport back -- check

3. my birth certificate back -- check

can i just say that it is very nerve racking to hand over

your birth certificate to someone you just met ten minutes ago

and trust them that they will, in fact, get it to the right people?

4. the paperwork filled out so i can get an apostille -- check

5. a package sent for Christmas -- check

6. the typhoid immunization, in form of a pill -- check

{the grossest thing ever...}

7. work, all on time and we got the trucks done! -- check

8. and most importantly, i got to go through the Atlanta Temple Friday.

what an amazing experience, and i am so grateful for those who took the time

to come and support me. sister pesci, vaughn, the stewarts, and the fackrells.

for the aunts and uncles, and my wonderful sister who were in the temple with me

across the country because they couldn't be here physically, thank you. 

this week was a crazy one, but somehow i got a lot done, and am just a little bit closer to being ready.

ready or not, here i come.

the thanksgiving feast

this year is a special year mostly because i have to go to bed early. no, not because i did something bad, i'm not five. but because the population of k-town needs me at work at one am tomorrow. and so I sit here patiently waiting for the thanksgiving feast to work it's magic and put me to sleep until midnight. yeah, not overly thrilled about it. 

but i digress and so i write my "thankful for" list:

1. the gospel of Jesus Christ. it's literally the best thing that has happened in my life. 

2. my family, whom without i would be a very unfounded individual. 

3. the people of my village, who have supported me and offered advice in this, one of the most important times in my life, so far. 

4. the people of Nicaragua, who apparently need me, and need me now. i am counting the days until i meet you! (41 days, in case anyone was wondering.)

5. my roommates, who have become some of my best friends. 

6. old friends, who show up at random times in your life and are still excited to hang out and talk and offer you rides to work at 1am in the morning. 

7. a tankless water heater, that allows me to take a shower after seven people, run the dishwasher and the washer, and still have hot water for the whole shower.

8. clean, running water and electricity. i would look homeless without you. 

9. the garabage man who takes away my trash, and deals with it, so i don't have to. 

10. music, the language of the angels. if i didn't have music, i would feel empty and like something was missing. there are so many beautiful things to be said through music, and some beautifully tragic things as well. 

i hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving, and for my sake, stay home this weekend.

forty-seven days and counting

as peach, from finding nemo, would say,

“today’s the day, the sun is shining, the tank is clean!”

today was the fateful day, when it all changed!

i woke up expecting a normal day with mom before having to go to work this evening. i was folding laundry when one of us said that we need to talk with all my aunts and uncles to see what the best way was to include everyone in the “big reveal,” when i got my mission call.

little did i know that that plan was pointless.

i was out running some errands when i got a phone call from my mother. nothing out of the ordinary, just thought that she needed me to pick something up from kroger. she said two words before i started to scream: “it’s here.”

i was so excited, and bug was just sitting there looking at me like i had a third eye and telling me that people in the surrounding cars where giving me weird looks. i didn't even care at that point. all i wanted was to get everyone home from school, daddy home from work, rae on the phone, and to rip open the packet and see where i was going. i knew that i had to wait at least until at least three to open the packet because the three youngest siblings were all on the bus. and it was KILLING me.

according to the text messages, and the voicemails i had left that morning, if i got it this weekend, i would be opening it on sunday evening. we would broadcast it to the two grandparents’ houses, and then try and be on at least speakerphone with the rest of the aunts and uncles.

thirty minutes later, we had called both sets of grandparents, rae was on skype with us, and i was opening the most amazing white envelope ever.

(my hands are shaking just thinking about it now.)

i carefully ripped open the envelope and almost collapsed when i skipped to the good part and saw where i was going.

the video that bug put on instagram makes me sound like i am three years old, but i don’t care. i was just so excited and i just couldn't wait to read the rest of it, but my family was DYING of anticipation.

so I carefully read the words:

“dear sister janelle sara graves, you are hereby called to serve as a missionary for
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. you are assigned to labor in the nicaragua managua south mission. it is anticipated that you will serve for a period of eighteen months.

you should report to the provo missionary training center on wednesday, january 7th, 2015. you will prepare to preach the gospel in the spanish language. your assignment may be modified according to the needs of the mission president.”

i was so excited, i was crying

{i’m not a huge crier, so this was big.}

my siblings by this point had been reduced to tears, hugs, and cries of “yeah!!”

my parents were a mess, and my grandparents were just plain excited for me.

rae did okay with the news, but it hit her really hard that she was eighteen hundred miles away and unable to be there, so we resorted to hugging our respective electronic devices. it was comforting, but i wish she could have been there.

the scary part of it all:

i have to be ready to report in forty-seven days.

and i still have to make it through holiday with my two jobs.

 i can do this. luckily, one of my bosses is also a member of the Church, 

and so when i gave him a call today, 

he was totally understanding and willing to work with me about 

when my last day was going to be with them. 

now, just to figure out how to break it to my retail job…

forty-seven days.

it just hit me.

i’m going on a mission.

this is for-realz happening.

i am going to serve the people of NICARAGUA.

breathe.

no shave november

it's pretty much the most fun month ever.

let me explain:

I LOVE BEARDS.

spending the next eighteen months 

around beardless men

may be a little interesting for me. 

mostly because,

beards are the best thing ever.

i mean, this guy rocked a beard:

so anyone can rock a beard.

well, except for maybe this guy/woman/it:

no michael jackson, 

just no. 

you don't deserve a beard.

this is a very accurate description of it all.

my three rules about beards:

-1- keep it trimmed, even if you are growing it out.

i shave my legs for you, you can keep your beard trimmed.

-2- i understand that your beard doesn't grow all the way in,

it takes a special man to have a full and non-patchy beard.

i will take it as it is, but don't complain about it.

-3- do not look like the bush man. keep it shaped.

but i'll just leave you with this:

it's in...

as of yesterday at 4:20 pm. 

my mission papers have been submitted to salt lake city.

REPEAT:

my mission papers have been submitted.

you really can't tell how excited i am through this post.

i was doing a little happy dance when i got the stake president's voicemail.

no lies.

the reason that they weren't submitted on monday night:

-the doctor didn't write down my pulse

-i didn't have a recent dental x-ray

-we didn't have what my vision was with my glasses (20/20 of course!)

-they were worried about only having half of my hep a vaccination complete,

but my bishop reassured the man submitting the paperwork that i could

get the second dose in the MTC if necessary.

-the doctor didn't write down the results of my blood work

but, we got it all squared away, and now i play the waiting game!

MY PAPERS ARE IN!

i was doing dancing around the island listening to the voicemail.

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1. i started bringing my preach my gospel book to work

and reading while we have a few minutes lull, and it's been great!

2. CHECK MARK! 

i mean, that is why i am writing this post after all...

3. we decided that we are going to do it ourselves!

stitching in the ditch and sewing the longest diagonal ever,

we figured it would just be easier than sewing a four inch border

all the way around a king-sized quilt.

so CHECK MARK!

4. i look forward to having my schedules here in the next day or two,

and then i can plan with them!

5. i love the relief that i find while playing the piano,

and i have been able to pick through and

semi-confidently play through a lot of the hymns.

6. have been doing great. being home yesterday kind of helped that a lot too.

i used my once-a-week-eat-out card yesterday when we 

ordered in hibachi. yumm...

it's going to be a little easier this week to eat healthier because

i get off a a little bit more of a normal "lunch" time.

momma mia

this week.

for realz. 

it's been so long. 

i literally feel as if it's been monday all week long. 

let me explain: 

between my two jobs this week, i worked an excess of 60 hours. 

that's right. SIXTY! 

and gurl, you better believed i worked for it.

i worked two-fourteen hour work days.

#showmethemula

but that wasn't even the longest day this week. 

wednesday i was at one job from 5am-2pm 

and then had to be at my other job at 3:30pm to 9:30pm.

needless to say, i'm exhausted and was in desperate need of a sunday.

during the forty-five minute break i got in between my two jobs on thursday,

i stumbled across this article on facebook and had to share.

because this really was me at one point.

i took the "be prepared" motto for the boy scouts to heart during high school.

plus, i just love the bridesmaids reference.

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1. baby steps. and i am getting better.

this week was rough for me physically though.

2. getting a dental x-ray to "dot an i" tomorrow to be safe,

but they should be submitted tomorrow night!

3. it will be completed this week.

my mom is holding me accountable.

4. check for today! went and got to see some of the people

that they are investigating and it's really exciting to see the

countenance change when they open up to the idea of being comforted by the gospel.

add to goals: pray that sabrina may be able to find a job and be able to better her life

for her kids.

sabrina is an investigators that the sisters are working with right now.

we challenged her tonight to join us at church on sunday, and the sisters

have another meeting with her on tuesday. she is trying to figure out her life

and is trying to get a stable job so that she can move on to better things. she is a 

single mother and wants her kids to have a better life than what she is currently living.

she is trying to go to school and get a nursing degree so that she can provide for her kids.

the epitome of a strong woman, trying to do better, all for the sake of her children.

5. funny story: actually got asked today *twice i might add* at church to play.

i was able to play prelude music to sacrament meeting (the semi-equivalent to mass

at a catholic church) and then was asked again to play in relief society, but was not

comfortable playing the songs that had been picked to go along with the lesson.

mommy to the rescue!

i have some spare time this week (actually a lot of spare time, compared to last week)

and will be working a lot of my goals.

NEW!

6. exercise more frequently and eat better.

take something substantial to eat at work while on break,

and don't eat snack foods as a meal.

spend part of my "break" walking on the treadmill for a little bit.

great hugs

the beginning of november is always a time for reflection for me. 

the year is almost over and i seriously sit and reflect at all of the annual goals i didn't ever get to.

i also try and make a mental note of my "grateful fors" and make a list. 

sunday in relief society, the teacher handed around ten slips of paper. 

each had a question on it asking us something we were grateful for in different situations. 

i got the question: what experience are you thankful for this week and why? 

saturday i worked my first birthday party at the trampoline park 

{one of my two brand new jobs} 

and i had no idea what i was doing even though it had been explained to me a couple of times.

i didn't let it on that i was new and had never done this before 

until the birthday party was almost over. 

the party mom looked at me and said, "you're doing great. I had no idea." 

my coworkers had been assuring me all day that i was doing great,

but to hear it from a perfect stranger was the comfort i needed. 

with all this new stuff, i am really missing the old stuff. 

i'm really, really missing my bar t-5 friends 

and the people that i interacted with while in jackson.

 the job was comfortable and the people are and were amazing. 

i see all of my friends going about school and work, 

and i wish i was there to see them in person more often.

on halloween, we all went back to the summer and went cowboy.

i feel like almost all of us posted a picture of ourselves,

dressed up in perfect cowboy outfits. 

i miss it so much, but i know that with all good things, 

they come to an end. 

i miss the stable hours and the fact that i knew 

how much was going to be on the next paycheck.

{salary has its perks and downsides}

 i could hang out with people my age 

simply by walking out of the bedroom door

 and it was always an environment i felt safe interacting in. 

never any raunchy situations. 

i miss cuddling on the couch watching a movie and
just sitting next to a great friend with his arm around me.
i also miss seth's hugs.
he always knew exactly when you needed a great hug.

but then again, i know that jackson is now a part of me 

and i will be back again. soon.

the friends i made this summer are forever. 

even if some of us are thousands of miles apart from each other. 

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goal update:

1. focusing on setting aside time to do it, 

in the evenings before i sit down to watch tv. 

2. one more interview tomorrow and then my papers will be submitted!

3. tomorrow i don't work in the afternoon, so i can get the help i need 

from mom to get the back pieced together. 

and then off to the quilter it can go!

4. i will have my shifts for next week by wednesday for my retail job 

and then i can set a time for next week! 

5. i am going through the hymns and playing the ones i have heard before 

to try and get a feel for how they are played. 

i have an easier time playing something i have heard before,

 so i am going through and playing the right hand 

and then adding the left hand in. i'm getting better!