sisterly firsts

everybody asks what it is like having a twin sister.

imagine having your best friend with you all the time.

imagine being able to talk about anything and everything,

and she understands because she lives your life.

this statement is entirely true, because i have something

imperative to tell her every other second.

this year has been hard because the longest we have ever spent apart was this summer.

in nineteen years, the longest we had ever been apart was two weeks.

until this summer when i left her in logan the first weekend in may,

and didn't see her again until the middle of august.

hardest three and a half months of my life.

but, heaven knows it was a trial run of what my mission is going to be like.

as a kid, the teacher asks you who your best friend is,

and my answer was always rae.

i didn't have many "best friends" in school,

but rae was always there.

we walked through life together.

we started elementary school together.

we walked through the doors to middle school together.

high school was an adventure we took on together.

college was a life changer we supported each other through.

 i can't imagine walking onto a plane by myself,

meeting my future without her.

i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

firsts are always something we supported each other through.

rae got her first glasses and i was there to tell her she looked good in them.

rae judged me as i tried on my first colorguard uniform.

we were in the car together when we took our newly issued permits for the first spin.

we entered the temple together on our first time.

our first cross country drive was together.

and so many more.

but there are some firsts i haven't shared with her,

and firsts she hasn't shared with me.

i can't share or talk with her about the experiences of being endowed.

i can't show her the feelings i have about the people that i worked with this summer.

there are some feelings that i can't show her and it hurts.

i can't talk with her about her boyfriend,

because i've never had one.

i can give her advice based on the things i have seen from her life.

i am that voice of reason in the back of her head

that says "five dates before you bring him to meet the family."

the voice that says "i approve" and makes the relationship legit.

she trusts me, and i trust her.

there are so many things i want to share with her about the things i saw

in the temple, but i can't talk to her about them, mostly because

she can't go there with me. and it's killing me.

and there is nothing more in the world that i want than to share that with her.

there are so many beautiful things in the temple that i want to discuss

and she can't do it with me.

sure, i have my mom or my dad, or my wonderful family.

but i want my sister.

we will always be best friends.

we will always be the ones we turn to for advice.

but we are our own person and this is where the road takes us apart for a time.

but the roads run parallel, and we will be together. forever.

my mom always encouraged us to be our own person.

we never walked around in matching outfits.

coordinating, maybe, but never matching.

we were given the option: 

band or orchestra?

red or green?

vanilla or chocolate?

alone or together?

and in many ways, we are complete opposites.

i loved band. rae thrived at orchestra.

i love red, rae prefers the cooler color of green.

i love vanilla, she loves the chocolate heart attack of rocky road.

i love the silence of being alone, rae loves the social life.

but we dragged each other into each others lives.

rae drug me into so many dumb social activities that i ended up loving.

i got rae to enjoy vanilla bean ice cream.

but, we still support each other in our differences.

orchestra concerts are terribly boring, but i went.

rae went to football games for the social aspect, but loved to watch me perform.

we compliment each other.

we are each other's person.

she's my person.

a hallelujah christmas

christmas music is my favorite.

i'm one of the those people who looks forward to

the day after thanksgiving to crank up the christmas tunes

and sing along for the next month to all of my favorites.

there are so many wonderful, fun ones to sing, 

but my favorite christmas songs are those sung about

CHRIST.

for this is His season after all.

this season has been a special one for me, 

mostly because i know that next year,

i will be among friends, not family for christmas.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints put out this wonderful video

about the first gift of christmas and issued a challenge to all the world,

to discover the gift, embrace the gift, and then to share the gift in the coming year.

then a few weeks ago, one of my friends shared this on facebook, 

this song has been sung by many an artist, but never before like this.

cloverton does an amazing job of refocusing the lyrics on the christmas season

and it was actually released two years ago.

but, this song is amazing, and i challenge you to just listen to the lyrics.

and then, the piano guys went out and did this:

the guinness world record for largest live nativity.

the arrangement is phenomenal

(what else would you expect from the piano guys, peter hollen, and david archuleta)

and again, the lyrics are enough to give me the chills.

this song is about forty years old, and has been redone by many artists,

but there is something about a country christmas song that always does me in.

mary, did you know? focuses on Mary, and begs so many beautiful questions.

what made the baby cry focuses more on the members of the nativity,

and what was going on their heads.

this christmas season, hug your families close.

let them know how much you love them, not by how much you spend on them,

but by how much time you spend with them.

let them know you love them by saying "i love you" and truly meaning.

be an example, and #sharethegift

He is risen, He lives, and He wants us to return to live with Him.

holiness to the lord.

friday was the day.

i posted these words on instagram and they are totally true

I love to see the temple, I'm going there today to feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. 

For the temple is a House of God, a place of love and beauty. 

I've prepared myself while I was young; this is my sacred duty.

ever since i was in primary, i have sung the song "I Love to See the Temple"

and sung about going inside some day.

up until last year, i always thought that it would so that i could be married in the temple

a few short weeks after.

but as i read my patriarchal blessing again, and began to understand that the Lord

wanted me to serve a mission, i have known that i would be going through the temple

so that a few weeks later, i could go and do what the Lord had commanded me to do:

serve the people.

friday was the day that i had spent years dreaming about.

what did the rest of the temple look like?

i had been inside of the atlanta temple before, during an open house,

and i remember being taken aback by the simple beauty there was to behold there.

what i didn't understand, is how much more beautiful it is after it had been dedicated.

sitting in the center of the temple, with people who love and support you, 

and with people you hardly know, yet share a common reason for being there,

is such an amazing feeling. 

there was another family there, taking their son through the temple

so that he would be prepared to serve as well.

he reports to the mexico city mtc a few weeks after i report to the provo one,

but the joy was there on his face that i felt in my heart.

there are many wonderful things that i can't discuss with you about the temple,

but the beauty still exists. the covenants i made there are special to me, 

and i don't want anyone to ever jeopardize that for me, or for themselves.

i know understand why the mission of the missionaries is to get investigators to the temple.

there are so many beautiful things that simply solidify the testimony that you have already.

if you can, go. prepare yourself, understand the proper reason for going.

and get yourself to the temple. 

"I urge all who have not yet received these greatest of all blessings within the walls of the temple to do whatever may be necessary to qualify to receive them."

-James E. Faust-

another few steps closer.

i wish to share with you my crazy weeks, but first

i share with you, my friend's because she does it

so much more eloquently than i. 

{ laughing aloud }

i don't know if you have been keeping tabs,

but i am 24 days out from the mtc, and

i don't feel like i am prepared at all.

this week though, i was doing good to get a lot of things done:

1. a letter from the police, saying that "no, i am not a criminal." -- check

2. my passport back -- check

3. my birth certificate back -- check

can i just say that it is very nerve racking to hand over

your birth certificate to someone you just met ten minutes ago

and trust them that they will, in fact, get it to the right people?

4. the paperwork filled out so i can get an apostille -- check

5. a package sent for Christmas -- check

6. the typhoid immunization, in form of a pill -- check

{the grossest thing ever...}

7. work, all on time and we got the trucks done! -- check

8. and most importantly, i got to go through the Atlanta Temple Friday.

what an amazing experience, and i am so grateful for those who took the time

to come and support me. sister pesci, vaughn, the stewarts, and the fackrells.

for the aunts and uncles, and my wonderful sister who were in the temple with me

across the country because they couldn't be here physically, thank you. 

this week was a crazy one, but somehow i got a lot done, and am just a little bit closer to being ready.

ready or not, here i come.