time to grow up

Is it weird that I miss typing? That I miss my computer classes because I could sit and take notes with the computer. But that will soon become a reality when I can take my laptop anywhere and I can take notes on my laptop anytime I want. SCARY! College seems like such a great thing, but I am kind of scared about it. I mean, the experience sounds amazing, but the fact that it costs all this money…that’s the scary part. Loans, payment plans, interest payments. It’s all way too scary. I want to go back to complaining that $25 was too much to spend on something. Not $2,500 or $25,000. But that’s a fact of life: we grow up. The zeros pile onto our expenses as we try to pile them onto our paychecks. And that’s all we really can do, right? Is do our very best and pray that the Lord sees us through? Yes, that is all we can do. Be obedient, follow all of the commandments that the Lord has laid out for us and pray that your best scan be completed with the Lord’s merciful hand.

I am going to miss Tennessee. All of the friends, all of the family that I have made and have come to love, sentenced to a 1700 mile restraining order. It’s going to kill me. I love Tennessee. I can honestly say that I never thought I would say that. When I moved here in 2002, Tennessee was just going to be place #2 on the Map of My Heart. But now, Tennessee is number one. And it will always be. I’m officially a Tennessee Girl. Born in UT, but raised to love UT. It’s great to be a Tennessee Vol. Yes it is. Tennessee will always be a beautiful place. The rain, the wonderful shrubbery; all of it have no parallel. To be able to look out over one hill and see the next one, it’s all just so amazing. I thought when I was little that it was all one bad roller coaster, but man was I wrong. It’s all one beautiful valley that I get to call “Home” for forever more. “Never Let Go.” how fitting. You have to learn how to hold onto the past and learn from it. Never let go of those things that are important to you. Never let go of the values that you hold to be true. Never let go of your zeal for life. “Never letting go;” so much better than “YOLO” or any other lame catch phrase from this decade.

Live is going to be so different in the next couple of months. You talk about growing up fast. We leave for “life” in 18 days. And I don’t think that I am ready. I want to live in the security of home. I want to be able to see mom and dad every day. I don’t want to have to deal with all of the scary real life things: debt, living on my own. There are a few things that I can’t wait for though: to be a wife, to be called “Mommy,” and to be in charge of my own home. I want it so bad, but for some reason I know that it won’t be happening right away. The Lord has funny ways of revealing things to us, and I just have a feeling from reading my patriarchal blessing, from babysitting smaller children, and from being with my own siblings. I know that my husband and I will have some sort of teary good-bye. I will have some adorable children. I want this future, but at the same time I am so not ready for it. I want to be a child forever but I’m ready to grow up. When did decisions become so life-altering?! Goodness!