coming to a close.

i have recently realized that this idealistic vacation summer is coming to a close. jackson's weather has begun to become erratic and extremely temperamental. last week, we had two days where i was freezing while wearing my long underwear and a long sleeve tshirt under my jeans, long socks, and long sleeved button up for work. and then the next day-- sunshine and rainbows, literally. the calendar marks are slowly getting too close to our last show and the memories are starting to flood. i made an album on facebook of most of the pictures that i have taken this summer. heaven knows that there are way more adventures than have been captured on film.




i also realized that i have been slacking severely on my study of the Book of Mormon and Preach My Gospel. i really need to work on that, so that i can be prepared to put my mission papers in! i have been waiting for this day for a while, and the day is coming more quickly than i had imagined. in just over a month, i will hopefully sitting in my bishop's office, starting the process!

two of the girls and three of the girls that i graduated with are in the mission field (which reminds me that it's time to start writing for the month...) and i can't wait to join them. one of my friends is serving in the mission that includes utah state, which is especially funny because she went to byu before her mission. just makes life that much more fun. i love her though, and i am so excited for her.

also, check out a blog for me. byuadventurous.blogspot.com  this is another one of the girls that i graduated with and she's pretty much the cutest.

where does the time go?

seriously, i feel like the summer still has months left in it. instead, there are just three short weeks between me and the beginning of a semester that i won't be participating in. maybe that's why i'm so lost. summer blends straight into fall for me, so there is no clear deadline for fun in the near future. my summer break extends clear into the fall break for my siblings.

so, where has the time gone? we made a weekend out of a stay in Grace, Idaho {aka the perfect small farming community.} i personally had a blast! we drove down friday night after show a few weeks ago and slept all over Momma Brady's house and lawn. we woke up the next morning to Momma Brady's delicious breakfast burritos and the discussion about some mexican salsa/pico de gallo. most of us spent the day wandering around Logan. i had some errands to run, so i went and saw Grandma Allen while i was there {but mostly to go shopping at Casa de la Grandma.}

once most of us were back from Logan, we helped Momma Brady with some outside chores as payback. because 20 hands make much lighter work than the two she was working with. ;) after the ground was good enough that she could lay seed, we went and did the only fun things to do in Grace: flooming and jumping at 60. what is that, you may ask? flooming is dangerously riding down the canal water down a floom {picture a slide suspended 200 feet above the river, and you have enough of an idea to get it} and then skipping across rotting boards laid along the top of the floom. jumping from 60 is about what it sounds like: jumping from a rock that extends over a spot in the river that is 60 feet deep. it was high enough, i probably could have attempted to tuck and roll, but i didn't get up the nerve to. a perfect summer bar-b-que and a sketchy game of kick the can later, we played a Bourne movie outside. one of those picturesque summer days full of dumb things you will probably never forget.

update on the love life: still sucks. Great Cuddler's missionary came home and i've been trying with futility to try and play it off cool. one of the girl's that i work with and Great Cuddler had a little stint, but they both agreed that it wasn't going to work and he apologized for dating someone after promising me that he wasn't going to date anyone because of the aforementioned missionary. a few weeks later, i get another cowboy to cuddle with. let's call him Cuddle Slut. he admits to it, so i don't feel bad about calling him one. Cuddle Slut is fantastic at the cuddle game. so good that i fell asleep in his arms for a solid week straight. no judgement needed. it was fantastic and i loved it. but then he stopped and we haven't cuddle since. so, please no judgement.

i got to ride a horse! and best thing about it: i got to do it for free! the resident Buckskin and i went on our day off and it was great. besides the saddle soreness that i had for the next three days. the views were amazing and the horse i had was pretty good. he seemed to really like the vegetation, but what horse doesn't?! let me just say, A-OK Corrals is the place to call up for a horseback-ride in Jackson. #shamelessplug

o yeah, and then this thing called a birthday happened. it's crazy, you wait all summer for one day to come, and then when that day comes, you can hardly believe it. and then the rest of the summer feels like it's running through an hourglass. nineteen was officially the dumbest birthday ever. except for maybe the gifts: birthday breakfast at Bubba's with Great Cuddler's cousin and Track Star {she's pretty much the best runner at ISU and is fantastic}, two new western shirts, a Jackson Hole t-shirt, a random collection of awesomeness from my friends, the most amazing orange Tennessee pants ever!, a "Home" t-shirt that my Momma made me and then a new belt for my new buckle! Momma Heather {the house cook} made me the most delicious Angel Food Cake with a strawberry glaze on it. i literally thought i was going to die of the perfection of it.

this past weekend was the Graves Family Reunion! this year, not at Lake Powell, but at Bear Lake. Grandma and Grandpa are on a mission, so we decided to do the reunion a little closer to them so that they could at least come up for the weekend. originally i was going to ask for the whole reunion off, but i decided to just take friday and saturday. friday i ended up spending as our "teenage outing" and driving around Ogden with Berkeley and Madeline and their EFY friend. it was different, but we had a lot of fun. Olive Garden, crazy selfies as we drove down the highway, and then a little bit of wasting time at Grandma and Grandpa's. i missed the sunny day at the beach, but we had a lot of fun. saturday we went up to Minnetoka Cave and hiked a 888-round trip stair cave route. 40 degrees constantly and up and down through the earth. i was originally nervous about hiking through a cave, but they have rock and metal stairs through the whole thing. we did end up spending a little bit of time on the beach, but unfortunately for me, it was in the evening on an overcast day. we played the cheeto-shaving cream-shower cap game with all the cousins and it ended up in a shaving cream-shoving fight. only a few people ended up with shaving cream in their eyes, but it was worth the little bit of pain. best fun that i have ever started with all the cousins. ;)




  

time.

what a weird four letter word. it holds so much power with it, too. 

it's bizarre to think that two years ago today, i was frantically finishing a presentation for the parents of governor's school participants. a year ago today, i was hanging out around the house, worrying about chores and packing for a road trip two weeks out. today, i'm worrying about getting the smoke out of the blankets i took camping last night and about getting a cowboy to pay enough attention to me to take me out. 

time. what a silly thing. my friends have their mission calls and are preparing for the fateful day when they will enter the MTC. other friends are fretting over the details of another fateful day: their wedding day. and yet others are worrying about getting all their summer vacation tucked into the next few weeks. then there's me, just worrying about my job, my crippled love life, and remembering people's names. 

time. it slips away from you. i can't believe that i haven't seen my sister in six weeks, my family in six months, some of my friends in over a year. it's just wrong. it makes me ache for the "good times" back. those careless summer nights when we played hide-and-go-seek in the backyard of nice neighbors. those crazy fall nights when i spent all night in a ridiculous costume, freezing my butt off, cheering for the football team. those awful spring nights where i was up until midnight or one am writing a paper. i'm gonna say it: i miss high school. don't get me wrong, there are something things i DON'T miss. but the simplicity of life sure was nice. i miss my laurel friends. the semi-adult life stinks, man.

i want the simplicity of life back. 

Summer Job 2k14

The most wonderful place ever. 

I'm working here for the summer and I love it. The atmosphere is fantastic and the people here love their jobs too. And I found a cute guy who seems to have the similar feelings for me. He's a good cuddle buddy and he found that secret ticklish spot and he likes to abuse its powers. But that's okay. I can get him to crumble because I know his ticklish spot. Muh-hahahahaha.

The summer has been great so far. I'm working for one of the beautiful local companies and I love it. The whole crew stays in the same house and it's a party always. If you want to do something, you've got three volunteers to go with you. I'm working at the office, but I still get to spend the time I want to around HORSES! I got to ride one early last week and it was amazing. I haven't ridden in a saddle, by myself in over 12 years. I rode a saddle-broke draft horse bareback a few years back, but that's a little bit different...
The horses that we work with are either 2000 lb behemoth draft horses or cute, "little" 1000 lb paint horses. I love it. My allergies don't, but ehh. A little Alavert and a nice bath afterwards and I'm totally fine!

One day after lunch, the majority of the crew decided that a back massage sounded amazing. I opted out on the account that I tended to make less than appropriate noises when I get a back massage unless I really think hard about not.

It started as a harmless pillow fight. Then, it escalated to a wrestling match wherein she ended up in the dirty, living room rug. Water got involved. And then the joke about "Round 3: Mud" was made and they took it seriously. He ended with a horse patty to the mouth/face and she ended up slam dunked into the dirt. They called it a draw.

I finally found some polish and took a few minutes (more like 30) to make them look beautiful. Yeah, then I got asked to poop scoop the next night and it's been downhill from there.

We had a crew game night at one of the boss's homes on Sunday and a few people ended up playing Twister. Then they moved to Swedish Twister (which doesn't require much, just some major flexibility). Then we played The Bucket Game. So. Much. Fun.
{The fun guy with the mustache is our resident Buckskin.
The one picking his noise is the cousin of Great Cuddler.
The dark-haired beauty is one of the cutest wranglers on staff.
The pretty blonde is my roommate and our wonderful housekeeper. }

There is a large group of crew members who will go out in the mornings before work and exercise.
Mentally insane, all of them.
But, one day this smaller subgroup decided to do some yoga and it was too much of an opportunity to pass up.

This is possibly the most popular view of the house: eyes shut. Even though my bedroom is right off the living room, I find it very difficult to make it to bed some nights. There are just a few couches that are too comfortable to move from. And then, add a good cuddler to the mix. Yeah, bad idea.
{This fellar is one of the main men on campus. He's kind of in charge of horses. Great guy. Not Great Cuddler.}

This cowgirl got a hat. This is one of the better outfits I have worn for show.

A Letter from the Babysitter.

I haven't babysat anyone in a while, but I learned a lot about what I do and do not like about children. I learned some neat parenting tricks and I got good at babysitting (or I would like to think that I did).

But here is a letter to the parents:

Your children are adorable. Yes, but they aren't angels. I have been around the block enough to know that they are different children when you aren't around. They may eat their food super well or listen to you when you ask them to clean, but that does not mean it will happen when I ask them. The do's and don'ts of babysitting from a babysitter:

Please don't have them take a nap super late in the afternoon. They don't go to bed well when I ask them to go to bed. It's not my fault if they are still awake when you get home. They just aren't tired yet. And yes, I did just let him scream and it did break my heart to let him do it.

Please do tell your children all the house rules before you leave. Because then I know them and I can make sure they don't get away with something they aren't supposed to. You may have told them they could have a cookie after dinner, and I feel like a terrible person telling them "no," but I don't know otherwise.

Please don't let your children sleep all together. They just stay up late and keep each other up. It just doesn't work.

Please do let me clean up, but don't have the house a mess when I show up. It's helpful when the kids help me clean up. It's also really nice to have the buckets/bins/shelves labelled or otherwise organized that I can tell what goes where. That way you don't have to undo what I did in my attempt to clean up.

I won't peruse your pantry looking for food. I'm not going to eat you out of house and home. I probably will sit down and enjoy a movie or Netflix when I am done cleaning your house and the kids are in bed. I'm not a bum; I'm trying to enjoy some "me" time. I am paying attention to the noises from the rest of the house to make sure that your kids aren't sneaking around.

I'm not going to invite my friends over. That's not okay by MY standards.

Thank you for your trust with your kids. I love them like siblings and I will try to be their friend while earning their respect.

Sincerely,
The Babysitter

ruining a friendship

I have ruined a friendship. And this is what I need to say. 

I shouldn't have let myself care. But I did. I let myself fall for a claimed man and my foolish heart thought I could change his mind and help him realize that I am better than she. I shouldn't have said or done anything to let him know I cared. I should have kept it bottled up. But now, it's too late. The beans have been spilled and he no longer wants me around. I have ruined a friendship. One I cared deeply about. I have ruined it by showing emotions. 

I should have guarded my heart. I should have let you go. I should have let you live your life and let me in as you saw fit. I should have been aloof and let you be with her. I have ruined a friendship. I have ruined it with my heart. 

I shouldn't have flirted. I shouldn't have shown you how I cared. I shouldn't have told you that someone cared and stood up for you when others were demeaning. I shouldn't have been around you, to let you know I cared. I should have been aloof. I should have let us never be in my mind. I have ruined a friendship. I have ruined it with love. 

I should have realized you didn't care about me. I should have realized that you liked another. I should have realized that the times you let me in were rare and that you let me in with care. I should have treasured the times you let me in and never begged for more. I just wanted you to show some of the emotions I knew you had. I just wanted you to ruin the friendship. I wanted you to ruin it with emotions. 

I wanted you. I want you still. But another claims your heart. Another holds you close. Another has the key that I will never be able to hold. Another doesn't realize how much I like you so. Another doesn't realize how much I wanted you to ruin the friendship. Another doesn't realize how much I wanted you to ruin it with your emotions. 

I was a terrible person. I wanted you to leave her. I wanted you for my own. I wanted to share a kiss. I wanted you to let me in. I wanted to ruin a friendship and be in a relationship. 

But that is all gone now. You have set me down. You have realized what a terrible player of the game of love I am. You have realized that I wanted in and you have pushed me out. I have ruined a friendship by showing how much I care.  

a case made.

boys always say that girls are super complicated.

well, can I make a case that the males in our lives are the reasons that we are deemed "complicated."

point number #1:
this one begins with a story. friday night, provolone, never nude, rae, panic, and i gathered some friends and went over to never nude's home for a bonfire and some *clean* fun. i invited HIM out of good friendship and thought nothing more of it. friday night came and we had made our way over with out friends. HE showed up late with an unexpected guest: a girl. that i had never met before. {now, before i sound like a jealous wench, let me say: no. i am not. but it did bug me that i got NO notice that HE was a bringing a girl, or even a friend along with.} i kind of let it go, and i brought them around to the rest of the party and he didn't even introduce her and she made no effort to do it either. the rest of the evening my roommates and friends festered over and were calling him slightly inappropriate things to the fire. {i feel bad for the fire; it never did anything to us to deserve the conversation that we had with it.} he and his friend-girl stayed to themselves, and the only words he said to me THE ENTIRE NIGHT were "[insert her name here] got called into work. see ya later. thanks." i was fuming. i waited until i could see his truck driving away before i screamed "a$$ hole" after his taillights. it felt good. point number one: my trust will not be given out so easily.

point number #2:
they all have to play the "rough and tough" game and so dang aloof the whole time. why?! we WANT to get to know you and we want to understand how your brain can work so differently than ours. i like it when i don't have to jump through flaming hoops to get to know you. girls act like we don't like you because we can't read your feelings for us and when we do show you our feelings, we just get trampled on. don't hurt us and then we can be less complicated. JUST LET US IN. point number two: we just want to understand you.

point number #3:
the brain is complicated. so is life. so naturally, we are both complicated in our own rights. but boys, more so.

interesting.

My friend post this link on Facebook today, and I was intrigued. So, I took the little seven question quiz to figure out which Miranda Lambert song I am.

And it hit it pretty dang close to home. (pun not intended) "The House That Built Me" is the song that they came up with.

"You are sentimental and thoughtful. Life hasn’t always been kind to you, but you would not change a thing. You take to heart the lessons you’ve learned and are a better person because of them. You enjoy a slower pace of life these days. You appreciate the few extremely close friends and family in your life more than a big group of acquaintances."

Hit the nail pretty close to home. I do enjoy little moments, and little snippets of life. I enjoy life, and even though sometimes I hate it, I learn from it and attempt to move on. {As you can see, sometimes, it's easier said than done.} I miss the slower pace of home, and I really don't like the quick pace of school right now. I love my close friends, and I find it really hard to let people in, because the some of the people I have let get close end up hurting me (although, in their defense) unbeknownst to them. 

I love my life and although there are a few things I want in my life, I have everything I need. A great family, a loving Father in Heaven who loves me no matter what dumb things I do, faith in His plan, an amazing education, and great friends. 

the logan hot tubs

apparently close at eleven.

so we almost got a citation when we showed up at Rae’s friend’s hot tubs and the po-pos showed up. #awkward…

but he was chill and wasn't overly annoying about the fact that we were a bunch of college students in a hot tub after hours. thank you cop. you earned respect.


we looked too good in our swimsuits to not share with the world our awesomeness.

       Panic                 Rae                    Never Nude              Me

spring break

was interesting. Work was having a HUGE sale, so it was hopeless to even think about asking for it off. So, I took other people's shifts so that they could go and do spring break things.

my roommates ditched me on Sunday. thankfully, Aunt Colee that asked if I would like to come to dinner, so after church I ditched town as fast as possible.

monday: lonely cleaning, some Big Bang Theory, donating plasma (made $35, too!) then work. I had plans to go up to Rigby that night at stay with my aunt and her chillens, but I was late leaving Logan because I locked me keys in my car. First time for everything, right? Thankfully I have some good friends who were able to take me back to my apartment and then back to work to pick up my car, so the whole ordeal only cost me $3 (for the manager to open my apartment) rather than the ticket for a locksmith. With that in mind, I made it to Rigby around 11 pm on Monday... longest drive of my life. Two and half hours by yourself is not fun. Especially when it decides to snow.

tuesday: a lot more fun. i got to hang out with my cousins and help me aunt out a tiny little ounce. i learned that just because your picture is on the fridge, doesn't mean that your youngest cousin will recognize you, or even cuddle with you when he is sick. Urn was nice enough to zone my feet that night while we watched Season 2 of Downtown Abbey and o my gosh! it was wonderful. if you have never had it done, it's like the best worst foot massage ever.

wednesday: i stayed up in Rigby until noon-ish because i had to work (i mentioned that i hate work, right?). that night i came home to the guys who live next door in the apartment across the hall (*disclaimer* one of the boys has a sister that lives in that apartment) even though none of the girls were home. come to find out that they just wanted some putty to fix a whole in the wall. i hung out with them for a few hours, but still ended up going to bed around eleven because we ran out of things to do/talk about.

thursday: i invited some friends over for breakfast and it was a lot of fun. pancakes, fruit, friends. such great things! work wasn't too bad that night because i got off a few minutes early. hallelujah! thursday was also the day that i found out that Mormon boys do sit around in just their underwear when they are alone. just trust me.

friday: no work to pass the time, so i finished a season of Big Bang Theory and then I took my healthy self and went and donated plasma and made FIFTY BUCKS! (go and donate plasma, put my name down as a reference. #shamelessplug) Then I called up Aunt Fluffy and asked if I could come and borrow her laundry equipment for a few hours. She of course had no problem with it, so I went and helped out her and did my five loads of laundry at her house. yeah, Rae and I do five loads of laundry every two weeks. I would have stayed the night with Fluffy, but I had to work Saturday morning, so I decided I should probably get a good night's rest.

saturday: a 10:30 to 7 shift. a heavenly shift as a cashier. call me crazy, but I seriously love that shift! i got to sleep in, go to work, and still had enough of an evening to go and hang out with my single uncle, Juan, and his friends that night without being super exhausted! some of my friends had returned by the time I got done with work, so I hung out for a little while with them and caught up on their adventures of Spring Break.

sunday: ward council at 10:30 was slim, but spiritual as ever. Bambi came home about a half an hour before church started, so I got to have at least one friend at church with me. :) i ended up being the chorister in sacrament meeting because the chorister was still out with her family, and the organist (who was one of my close friends!) let me fall asleep on the stand!!! thankfully, i was pretty well hidden behind the organ, so only one or two people could see me, but I apparently missed a really awesome talk. i was super bummed... after church i had to kind of twiddle my thumbs and find things to do before my roommates started coming home (Bambi left with her family after church, so she wasn't home until later). I did a little happy dance when Rae and Panic finally made it home. Never Nude and Provolone made it home a little bit before they, but they were busy putting together a new bookshelf for Provolone.

nevertheless, it was okay. lonely and long, but okay.