holiness to the lord.

friday was the day.

i posted these words on instagram and they are totally true

I love to see the temple, I'm going there today to feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. 

For the temple is a House of God, a place of love and beauty. 

I've prepared myself while I was young; this is my sacred duty.

ever since i was in primary, i have sung the song "I Love to See the Temple"

and sung about going inside some day.

up until last year, i always thought that it would so that i could be married in the temple

a few short weeks after.

but as i read my patriarchal blessing again, and began to understand that the Lord

wanted me to serve a mission, i have known that i would be going through the temple

so that a few weeks later, i could go and do what the Lord had commanded me to do:

serve the people.

friday was the day that i had spent years dreaming about.

what did the rest of the temple look like?

i had been inside of the atlanta temple before, during an open house,

and i remember being taken aback by the simple beauty there was to behold there.

what i didn't understand, is how much more beautiful it is after it had been dedicated.

sitting in the center of the temple, with people who love and support you, 

and with people you hardly know, yet share a common reason for being there,

is such an amazing feeling. 

there was another family there, taking their son through the temple

so that he would be prepared to serve as well.

he reports to the mexico city mtc a few weeks after i report to the provo one,

but the joy was there on his face that i felt in my heart.

there are many wonderful things that i can't discuss with you about the temple,

but the beauty still exists. the covenants i made there are special to me, 

and i don't want anyone to ever jeopardize that for me, or for themselves.

i know understand why the mission of the missionaries is to get investigators to the temple.

there are so many beautiful things that simply solidify the testimony that you have already.

if you can, go. prepare yourself, understand the proper reason for going.

and get yourself to the temple. 

"I urge all who have not yet received these greatest of all blessings within the walls of the temple to do whatever may be necessary to qualify to receive them."

-James E. Faust-

a love-ly update

my love life is seriously in the tanks.

the guy that i did like is practically in love with another girl who is just waiting through the days before she goes on her mission. i have done pretty much everything to try and be cool and be his friend, but that just wasn't working for me. i was letting him string me out and i finally had enough of it last wednesday at swing dancing. he spent the entire evening attached to her like she was his girlfriend and if i am honest with myself, i was so jealous. i wanted him to be looking at me like that, like i was the girl that he wanted to spend time with, not the clingy girl that needs affirmation from him. so after i dropped off my passengers off at the apartment, i went and spent some time in the car, writing down my last good-bye down on a napkin. yea, a napkin.

i wrote down all the feelings that i had and told him everything that i had ever wanted to say. but i can't tell bring myself to tell him about. to go up to him and tell him.

so i really have no idea what to do, except to avoid looking for his truck in the parking lot and try and connect with other people at swing dancing. to not hang around him and try not to get him to ask me for a dance. to finally heed my parents' and ryan's advice and make him do the work. be a girl for once and let him do the work.

and how difficult that is proving.

something hard

The hardest thing of college so far? Missing all of the firsts. (wow, that sounded motherly.) But seriously, I miss seeing my brothers and sister off to their first day at their new schools. I missed the first day of seminary. And the hardest thing? Missing my parents' 19th wedding anniversary.

Nineteen years ago, on Tuesday, September 6, 1994, my parents were sealed for time and all eternity in this beautiful building:

And I couldn't be more glad that they were. I love them so much and I miss them so much. I know that my gift to them this year is miniscule, but I hope that they will like it. 

They say that a girl marries their favorite trait about their father. As I pondered what that actually is in my father, I thought about what I say when people ask me about my father. And I found my answer. He is so amazingly handy. He built my mother her dream kitchen. And he did it all himself. He added onto our house and only hired someone twice to do work, and it was only because he didn't have the time to do it himself: the boy next door to bring the shingles onto the roof, and someone to paint the exterior of the house. He is the resident mechanic. He landscapes and builds a garden each year. Plus, he can cook. 

Then I thought about my mother. My favorite trait about her. She is her own person and she is crafty. She decorates the house each season and has made a lot of the decorations for herself. She can create wonderful things from a little bit of fabric and thread. She is beautiful. She is amazing. She isn't afraid to get a little dirty and she can make the most wonderful food ever. 

And my favorite part of my parents: the fact that they aren't afraid to show me how much they love me. 

You remember this picture:

                                             
And this was my parents sometimes. But not always really. It was more along the lines of hugging her from behind and finding that ticklish spot and tickling her just to see her cringe and laugh. Along the lines of hello and good-bye kisses, no matter how much of a rush he is in to get to work. Along the lines of apologizing after the fight. Along the lines of being excited about sitting next to her at meals after almost fifteen years of sitting at opposite ends of the table because she can't stand hitting his outstretched feet under the table. It's really in all the little things.

And most of all, thank you Daddy for loving my mother like Sis. Dalton taught in this talk:

I love you guys and thank you for setting the perfect example of what an eternal couple should be like. I am so sorry that I can't be there this year, but I know that it's only the first of many anniversaries that I will miss. good luck Daddy with your new job. Good luck Mommy with all your crafts and work and every other thing you juggle. Happy anniversary.

the panel

it started as a joke a few years ago, but know that I am preparing for college, I am afraid that “The Panel” is actually becoming a legit thing.

Let me explain.

There have been many surrogate parents and aunts and uncles during my childhood. And a few of them have taken a special place in my heart. As I have become closer to marrying age (yeah, that’s weird!), these surrogate family members have joked around that they must have an opinion and must sit on the “Board of Review” if I am to bring a boy home. IF this boy is to become my spouse, then he must undergo quite an extensive interview process. Currently, “The Panel” has two former seminary teachers, my friend’s father, and my parents. And I am sure that the list will only grow when I finally DO find my eternal companion and when I finally bring him home for the final inspection. ;)

until then, let the panel grow.

#GRADuated

so yeah. that big thing where you walk across a stage for the first time, collecting an envelope that is blank that you will later fill with a piece of cardstock with a couple of stamped names on it and  a couple of special seals--that happened. and i honestly feel no different. believe you me, i am BEYOND ecstatic to be done with high school, but the feelings of "o my goodness, I am an adult" and "o my gosh, I probably won't see most of these people again" hasn't really set in yet.

i have got to four different graduations before I was finally walking onto the Thompson-Boling Arena floor myself. i was such a relief to be waiting around for ME this time. don't get me wrong, it was fun to see all of my other friends graduate, but it was more of a relief to see my classmates on the jumbotron, rather than Bearden, Hardin Valley, and previous Farragut graduates. i was ready for it to be MY turn.

i am so proud of the "Dream Team" of Farragut. together we graduated 414 people, 90% of those earning a scholarship, 70% earning a 3.0 or higher, and collectively as a class earning a gross of $30 MILLION in scholarship money. CONGRATS! we have done it! i was doing a little bit of calculation in my head before they announced how much we had earned in scholarship money: Bearden earned $24.8 million; Hardin Valley earned just over $17.1 million. so congratulations again Dream Team for racking in the most scholarship money!

i have had so much fun during these last four years. so many memories that i will most likely cherish the rest of my life. heartaches, friendships, and memories that are best locked up: had my fair share of them. thank you to the wonderful teachers who have lead me down this path. thank you for being stern and "teacher-like" when you had to be, but always being able to laugh and care about us. thank you to all the teachers that became my friends, and a huge shout out to those that are reading this. you are my inspirations.

this graduation may be an ending, but it's also a beginning. a beginning of new things, that won't necessarily be better, but will push me to become better. a beginning of a life where i call most of the shots. a beginning where i can start to search for that eternal companion that will call me his queen. a beginning to find my "Happily Ever After" of the fairy tales. a new beginning.

one day...

one day. i will own a piano like this...



and it will sit in my great room. and i will play it, as often as possible. and i will let it play itself. and fill my home with wonderful music.

but until that one day comes...

i will continue to use the piano my mom and dad have. that has a leg that is broken. and that is terribly out of tune at the moment. and that has a slight "chink" when you play one of the high keys. and that has a soft petal that is broken. until that one day comes, i will have to be okay with an upright that is beautiful. it is specially beautiful.