an eternal family

there is something wonderful to know that 

the lord blessed us with the opportunity to have an eternal family. 

this past year was one of the hardest testimony testers for me. 

in may, i had to say goodbye over the phone, 

from 3000 miles away to a beloved grandfather. 

and just this december i never got to meet a wonderful little cousin.

there is something heartbreaking about two funerals in one year. 

one for a man who got to live a full-ish life and a man who never got to live. 

but somehow, there is a peace that lives in my heart. 

a knowledge and conviction that my family can be together forever 

allows me to put one foot in front of the other 

and not be a hot mess of emotions and grief. 

grandpa is waiting for us. 

he's preparing the mansion in heaven that we will all share. 

and little sam is there with grandpa, 

learning as a child should 

from such a wonderful role model. 

and sometimes i get a little jealous of the angels.

but it helps the aching heart to know that they are happy.

my soul was racked with eternal torment;
but i am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.

this was the scripture that we found open in the days

after my grandfather's funeral.

there were probably some of his last words

he read from the scriptures before his death.

and what a powerful statement.

my soul is pained no more.

looking back on that week, and the letter i wrote

home, i realized that i was being prepared well

before i even knew something was astray.

i had been studying in the book of mormon

and reading in the doctrine and covenants

about what happens to man after he leaves this life.

and what a comfort this scripture still is to me:

and the next verse says: 

and then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those

 who are righteous are received into a state of happiness,

which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, 

where they shall rest from all their troubles 

and from all care, and sorrow.

#lifeunfiltered

after a church meeting today,

one of my leaders handed me an article.

he simply said that he had shared it

with some other members of the congregation

in an previous meeting

and would like me to read it as well.

the story is about a girl who hides her life through filters.

and unfortunately hides her despair so well

her parents are blindsided by her suicide.

now, i don't know why this leader decided to share this with me.

because i assure you, i would never think of ending my life that way.

but maybe it wasn't for me.

maybe, i was just supposed to read it

and share my thoughts.

the article talks about how part of Madison, said girl,

must have struggled internally with the difference

between the life we are living on the inside

and the filtered life we are letting the outside world see us live.

"Even people you think are perfect are going through something difficult."
a taken from a post on Madison's Instagram account.

and it's so true.

today we talked about charity in our women's meeting.

and what it really means to be charitable.

sure it means to be "willing to bear one another's burdens ... 

to mourn with those that mourn, 

yea and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..." 

and i think it goes so much further than that too.

"a compliment should be voiced

and a criticism should be hushed,

not the other way around."

--wise words of an institute teacher

we need to be more willing to truly listen to other people.

and let them understand our sorrows.

but we also need to see into the inside world they are living in.

truly try to understand their hurt.

so they can feel like someone is truly there that understands.

not just a friend with words.

i am not the best friend you could ever have.

but i find joy in lifting the fallen.

trying to emulate the savior.

and i am not trying to say any of this to get attention.

but maybe what we all need to do

is to look around us

and try to have a little love and understanding

for those around us.

strangers, friends, or family.

because you never know what another might be going through.

your words could be their saving grace.

literally.

my number is twenty-three

a couple of years ago,

i fell for a friend's post online

and had to write 23 things about myself.

some things haven't changed, yet other's have.

1. i still love country music. the only reason i ever listen to pop radio

is because the country stations are playing commercials.

2. i still love western swing dancing.

it's been a little rough getting back into the saddle post mission, but it's still a thing.

3. i have been to a concert. i saw scotty mccreery live for $5 as part of his "see you tonight" tour.

waiting outside the doors wasn't too bad when you have good company.
rhett, me, andrew

third row my friends. for $5.
thank you utah state.

4. i have shot a gun. lots of times. and most times i have a pretty good shot too,

wyoming mountains make the best backdrop for pictures

5. i am still better at fixing other people's problems.

my dad calls it perspective; i call it free therapy.

6. i must have skipped this one.

so, i'll make one up.

i know spanish.

y si, puedo entenderte cuando hablas de mi.

7. i work at a grocery store again. 

and some days are better than others.

like wednesdays. i like wednesdays.

fridays and mondays not so much.

8. i still automatically respond to people's comments.

thank you customer service jobs.

9. the number is a lot bigger than three now.

10. i am getting better at recognizing faces.

it's still hard, but i can thank the mission for that.

if you can remember a unique quality about them,

it helps a lot.

11. to  16. 

nothing has changed.

but allow me to digest something:

i am an accounting major.

and yes, i like it.

there are a lot of numbers,

but even more principles and concepts to remember.

#appreciate_your_accountant

17. i found out that i won't have to take a calculus class

or any more math-intensive classes to graduate

and i cried a little tear of gratitude.

18. i now live with only three other girls.

and we are each other's sounding boards.

no hard feelings here!

19. my love life is still interesting like string theory,

but at least it's engaging now.

(no, that was not an announcement)

20. more than words can recount.

21. i have fixed myself of this habit.

(thank you mission)

but sometimes, it would be nice

to knock some sense into people.

22. that one has changed.

to quote keith urban,

"to, to kiss and tell, it's just not my style."

23. beards are still one of the most attractive things ever.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

these kinds of posts are kind of fun to write,

because i get to see my personal growth.

somethings haven't changed,

and i guess that just makes me, me.

progress is made

and i am thankful for the memories

that mark those changes.

thank you.

a married twin.

before i left on my mission, 

i shared some deep thoughts about rae,

and the love i have for her.

well somethings never change.

sure i have to share her now,

but there are worst things.

all my life i have felt like the pioneer of the family.

the example that everyone looked up to.

and it never really bugged me.

i honestly love being about to look at what others have done

and improving. make it all my own. 

and having someone there to take it from me

and keep it going.

i think that's honestly why i loved training sisters on my mission.

it was difficult, and there were several weepy nights,

but i grew.

and as i read emails from my family each week,

i realized that we were all growing.

sometimes when you don't see the progress daily

you see the progress actually happening.

the "ah ha" moment after you step back

and get a better view.

rae got married. 

and it was probably the hardest thing for me to grasp.

because one, IT'S A HUGE DEAL.

and two, it's an important first that i didn't make first.

and i was kind of jealous for a little.

(after getting over the initial shock of a having an engaged twin sister).

i couldn't be the first daughter married.

but then it hurt.

because she would have to take this journey without my full attention.

i was just another friend, far far away.

growing up is kind of hard...

and watching your best friend do it alone

was really hard.

but you know what?

she did it.

photo creds to a twist of lemon photography

and dang didn't she look good doing it.

now that i have met my brother in law in person

it makes the realization that she is married a little easier.

i know that eric is a good man,

and that he will treat her right.

she's in good hands.

and now we can do a lot of things that it hurt me not to be able to do.

we can go to the temple together (check!)

we can talk about all that we have seen.

and we can enjoy the promise that if we are faithful,

we will have eternal life.

"Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, 

feasting upon the word of Christ,

and endure to the end, 

behold, thus saith the Father: 

Ye shall have eternal life."

2 nephi 31:20

isn't that promise enough to make you happy forever?

sisterly firsts

everybody asks what it is like having a twin sister.

imagine having your best friend with you all the time.

imagine being able to talk about anything and everything,

and she understands because she lives your life.

this statement is entirely true, because i have something

imperative to tell her every other second.

this year has been hard because the longest we have ever spent apart was this summer.

in nineteen years, the longest we had ever been apart was two weeks.

until this summer when i left her in logan the first weekend in may,

and didn't see her again until the middle of august.

hardest three and a half months of my life.

but, heaven knows it was a trial run of what my mission is going to be like.

as a kid, the teacher asks you who your best friend is,

and my answer was always rae.

i didn't have many "best friends" in school,

but rae was always there.

we walked through life together.

we started elementary school together.

we walked through the doors to middle school together.

high school was an adventure we took on together.

college was a life changer we supported each other through.

 i can't imagine walking onto a plane by myself,

meeting my future without her.

i'm tearing up just thinking about it.

firsts are always something we supported each other through.

rae got her first glasses and i was there to tell her she looked good in them.

rae judged me as i tried on my first colorguard uniform.

we were in the car together when we took our newly issued permits for the first spin.

we entered the temple together on our first time.

our first cross country drive was together.

and so many more.

but there are some firsts i haven't shared with her,

and firsts she hasn't shared with me.

i can't share or talk with her about the experiences of being endowed.

i can't show her the feelings i have about the people that i worked with this summer.

there are some feelings that i can't show her and it hurts.

i can't talk with her about her boyfriend,

because i've never had one.

i can give her advice based on the things i have seen from her life.

i am that voice of reason in the back of her head

that says "five dates before you bring him to meet the family."

the voice that says "i approve" and makes the relationship legit.

she trusts me, and i trust her.

there are so many things i want to share with her about the things i saw

in the temple, but i can't talk to her about them, mostly because

she can't go there with me. and it's killing me.

and there is nothing more in the world that i want than to share that with her.

there are so many beautiful things in the temple that i want to discuss

and she can't do it with me.

sure, i have my mom or my dad, or my wonderful family.

but i want my sister.

we will always be best friends.

we will always be the ones we turn to for advice.

but we are our own person and this is where the road takes us apart for a time.

but the roads run parallel, and we will be together. forever.

my mom always encouraged us to be our own person.

we never walked around in matching outfits.

coordinating, maybe, but never matching.

we were given the option: 

band or orchestra?

red or green?

vanilla or chocolate?

alone or together?

and in many ways, we are complete opposites.

i loved band. rae thrived at orchestra.

i love red, rae prefers the cooler color of green.

i love vanilla, she loves the chocolate heart attack of rocky road.

i love the silence of being alone, rae loves the social life.

but we dragged each other into each others lives.

rae drug me into so many dumb social activities that i ended up loving.

i got rae to enjoy vanilla bean ice cream.

but, we still support each other in our differences.

orchestra concerts are terribly boring, but i went.

rae went to football games for the social aspect, but loved to watch me perform.

we compliment each other.

we are each other's person.

she's my person.

a hallelujah christmas

christmas music is my favorite.

i'm one of the those people who looks forward to

the day after thanksgiving to crank up the christmas tunes

and sing along for the next month to all of my favorites.

there are so many wonderful, fun ones to sing, 

but my favorite christmas songs are those sung about

CHRIST.

for this is His season after all.

this season has been a special one for me, 

mostly because i know that next year,

i will be among friends, not family for christmas.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints put out this wonderful video

about the first gift of christmas and issued a challenge to all the world,

to discover the gift, embrace the gift, and then to share the gift in the coming year.

then a few weeks ago, one of my friends shared this on facebook, 

this song has been sung by many an artist, but never before like this.

cloverton does an amazing job of refocusing the lyrics on the christmas season

and it was actually released two years ago.

but, this song is amazing, and i challenge you to just listen to the lyrics.

and then, the piano guys went out and did this:

the guinness world record for largest live nativity.

the arrangement is phenomenal

(what else would you expect from the piano guys, peter hollen, and david archuleta)

and again, the lyrics are enough to give me the chills.

this song is about forty years old, and has been redone by many artists,

but there is something about a country christmas song that always does me in.

mary, did you know? focuses on Mary, and begs so many beautiful questions.

what made the baby cry focuses more on the members of the nativity,

and what was going on their heads.

this christmas season, hug your families close.

let them know how much you love them, not by how much you spend on them,

but by how much time you spend with them.

let them know you love them by saying "i love you" and truly meaning.

be an example, and #sharethegift

He is risen, He lives, and He wants us to return to live with Him.

holiness to the lord.

friday was the day.

i posted these words on instagram and they are totally true

I love to see the temple, I'm going there today to feel the Holy Spirit, to listen and to pray. 

For the temple is a House of God, a place of love and beauty. 

I've prepared myself while I was young; this is my sacred duty.

ever since i was in primary, i have sung the song "I Love to See the Temple"

and sung about going inside some day.

up until last year, i always thought that it would so that i could be married in the temple

a few short weeks after.

but as i read my patriarchal blessing again, and began to understand that the Lord

wanted me to serve a mission, i have known that i would be going through the temple

so that a few weeks later, i could go and do what the Lord had commanded me to do:

serve the people.

friday was the day that i had spent years dreaming about.

what did the rest of the temple look like?

i had been inside of the atlanta temple before, during an open house,

and i remember being taken aback by the simple beauty there was to behold there.

what i didn't understand, is how much more beautiful it is after it had been dedicated.

sitting in the center of the temple, with people who love and support you, 

and with people you hardly know, yet share a common reason for being there,

is such an amazing feeling. 

there was another family there, taking their son through the temple

so that he would be prepared to serve as well.

he reports to the mexico city mtc a few weeks after i report to the provo one,

but the joy was there on his face that i felt in my heart.

there are many wonderful things that i can't discuss with you about the temple,

but the beauty still exists. the covenants i made there are special to me, 

and i don't want anyone to ever jeopardize that for me, or for themselves.

i know understand why the mission of the missionaries is to get investigators to the temple.

there are so many beautiful things that simply solidify the testimony that you have already.

if you can, go. prepare yourself, understand the proper reason for going.

and get yourself to the temple. 

"I urge all who have not yet received these greatest of all blessings within the walls of the temple to do whatever may be necessary to qualify to receive them."

-James E. Faust-

another few steps closer.

i wish to share with you my crazy weeks, but first

i share with you, my friend's because she does it

so much more eloquently than i. 

{ laughing aloud }

i don't know if you have been keeping tabs,

but i am 24 days out from the mtc, and

i don't feel like i am prepared at all.

this week though, i was doing good to get a lot of things done:

1. a letter from the police, saying that "no, i am not a criminal." -- check

2. my passport back -- check

3. my birth certificate back -- check

can i just say that it is very nerve racking to hand over

your birth certificate to someone you just met ten minutes ago

and trust them that they will, in fact, get it to the right people?

4. the paperwork filled out so i can get an apostille -- check

5. a package sent for Christmas -- check

6. the typhoid immunization, in form of a pill -- check

{the grossest thing ever...}

7. work, all on time and we got the trucks done! -- check

8. and most importantly, i got to go through the Atlanta Temple Friday.

what an amazing experience, and i am so grateful for those who took the time

to come and support me. sister pesci, vaughn, the stewarts, and the fackrells.

for the aunts and uncles, and my wonderful sister who were in the temple with me

across the country because they couldn't be here physically, thank you. 

this week was a crazy one, but somehow i got a lot done, and am just a little bit closer to being ready.

ready or not, here i come.

the thanksgiving feast

this year is a special year mostly because i have to go to bed early. no, not because i did something bad, i'm not five. but because the population of k-town needs me at work at one am tomorrow. and so I sit here patiently waiting for the thanksgiving feast to work it's magic and put me to sleep until midnight. yeah, not overly thrilled about it. 

but i digress and so i write my "thankful for" list:

1. the gospel of Jesus Christ. it's literally the best thing that has happened in my life. 

2. my family, whom without i would be a very unfounded individual. 

3. the people of my village, who have supported me and offered advice in this, one of the most important times in my life, so far. 

4. the people of Nicaragua, who apparently need me, and need me now. i am counting the days until i meet you! (41 days, in case anyone was wondering.)

5. my roommates, who have become some of my best friends. 

6. old friends, who show up at random times in your life and are still excited to hang out and talk and offer you rides to work at 1am in the morning. 

7. a tankless water heater, that allows me to take a shower after seven people, run the dishwasher and the washer, and still have hot water for the whole shower.

8. clean, running water and electricity. i would look homeless without you. 

9. the garabage man who takes away my trash, and deals with it, so i don't have to. 

10. music, the language of the angels. if i didn't have music, i would feel empty and like something was missing. there are so many beautiful things to be said through music, and some beautifully tragic things as well. 

i hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving, and for my sake, stay home this weekend.

one of the saddest weekends.

goal update:

1. i'm using an excuse that it got busy at work with the take down of everything, 

but i truly had the time. i just didn't make the time. 

and i've kind of missed the boat on the having it read by the time i get home. 

that day comes in four days!!

almost home bound. almost.

2.  the ball is currently in his court. i'm pretty sure of his answer,

but it's in his court.

3. i saw them on saturday at lagoon, 

and i was able to genuinely say "congratulations" to both their faces.

yea for small victories.

4. i have to compile a new list of addresses, 

because my list is very outdated at this point.

so many new missionaries, so many calls.

and no time to write them all.

5. progress is being made.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i really hate goodbyes. and saying goodbye at lagoon was one of the hardest things ever.

living with a group of 30+ people every day, all day for five months,
really makes you a tight-knit group.

like seriously.

i had to say good-bye to one of my best guy friends
friday night after one of the most perfect dates ever.
he has helped me through a lot of relationship stuff, and is almost the perfect guy for me.
but it didn't fit right.

saturday morning came, and rae was going to come with me to lagoon,
but because of some homework and church things, she had to back out.
this was the start of one of the longest days ever. and one of the best.

one thing you should understand about me, i'm not a huge adrenaline junkie.
i do not enjoy rollercoasters; i like it when my stomach does not sit in my throat.
i found all my friends, and was able to hang out with everyone for a little bit.
thankfully, hilary was on the same page as me, and we hung out together.

there was a LOT of reminiscing and a lot of laughs.
the first time in almost two months that most of us were all together.
two of our bosses spent a lot of hours putting together a slideshow
of pictures of this summer and i almost cried on several occasions.

we got all of our bosses into the bumper cars and had a blast.
even watched two of the guys slingshot themselves into oblivion...
scary stuff.

i really don't love saying goodbye, and it was hard.
but it had to happen.

i will return.

the square dancer.

an update on my goal keeping.

1. not doing so hot. 

i went to utah to visit some family last weekend and it totally got me off. 

i spent sunday and monday in utah and i didn't read. 

terrible excuse, but i got off and i haven't gotten back on, yet. 

that's on the to-do list for today.

2. i really need to talk with him and 

i found my opportunity: this weekend we are going camping as a crew, 

and i think i can get a captive audience on the ride up to the campsite.

3. i have accepted it. he is getting married. 

in other news: BAMBI is engaged! Team Danny has won! 

4. i need to write one of my missionaries back 

because she was nice enough to write me!

 i missed the boat on my guam missionary (literally and figuratively), 

but i can message him now, so no need to waste a stamp.

5. getting better... but i could still use some improvement. and some = a lot still.

i took one of those online surveys yesterday because i was killing time before work 

(admittedly, i should have been packing or reading my scriptures or Preach My Gospel).

this one was titled "what type of dancer are you?" and

apparently i fit the profile of a square dancer.

i thought it rather fitting.

i love country music

i spent about five hours each week for two semesters dancing to country music.

these are the reasons they thought i fit the profile:
You are old-fashioned and you plan to stay that way.
Your values are old school and you make no apologies for it.
The music of today makes you shake your head
and wonder what the world has come to.

yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

this week.

is off to a rough start. like seriously.

monday was a long day. we didn't have a show that day, so the boss-men took the majority of the crew and went and played lumberjack on the mountain. 100 trees, cut for posts and rails, and 12 soaked and sore crew members later, they were really ready to come home. celeste, baby tiff, pat, and i were asked to stay down here and cover the office and prepare for the week. i helped pat in the office until lunch, and then celeste and baby tiff gave me a baptism by fire into the life of a cook. i helped make ranch, bagged brownies, sorted raw chicken, and pretty much just tried to keep up with these lovely ladies. we stopped a little early and had dinner ready for the crew when they got back. and we cleaned the house. but guess how long a clean house lasted. if you guessed less than 12 hours, you were right.

tuesday. can we just take a moment of silence that this day is over? like really. let me preface: two weeks ago, we got a phone call asking if a group of 200 people could come to the show. we can only take 170 people on ten wagons. 200 people would require bringing over two wagons that are used on the mountain and praying that they didn't bring any more people. we let the lady know we could work it out and the stressing began. the coordinator for the group decided that it would be too much of a distraction to have alcohol at the event (which is usually not allowed, but with private events, we give them the option, but they have to work it out and we just lay it out.) she sent us payment for the tickets, as well as the gratuity for the evening, a couple of days in advance, but then we got an email a couple of days ago, asking how many ABOVE 200 people they could go. we cried a little inside and said, we could do about 205 before we had to started strapping people to the top of the wagons. (sarcasm, of course.) we had a lot of people booked on the other show, so we had a double last night. which is UNHEARD of this late in the season [our last day is friday]. david, our foreman, pulled all sorts of strings and brought oodles of help in to drive teams and help the cooks feed 200 people before midnight. i don't know if i should be grateful or cry because i missed the opportunity to see a 12-wagon show, but the group didn't bring 30 people (something they can't even explain), but it relieved a huge burden for the cooks. feeding 200 people is a lot of chicken, beef, beans, corn, the works. and we don't have hours to get them from the chow-line. plus, it's a tad bit stressful to keep 200 people warm while it's 40 degrees outside and you only have enough lap blankets for about 170 of them. needless to say, david and chris were stressed. which in turn had pat stressed. who in turn had me stressed. it was a relief to have that crazy day OVER with.

and the week is about to get crazier. we will have 11 wagons on our last night and the next couple of nights are over 100 people. those are good sized shows for the end of the season. i'm excited for the next couple of days because anything will be easier than the last couple of days. let's just pray that no one else calls and asks to bring 200 people tomorrow.

coming to a close.

i have recently realized that this idealistic vacation summer is coming to a close. jackson's weather has begun to become erratic and extremely temperamental. last week, we had two days where i was freezing while wearing my long underwear and a long sleeve tshirt under my jeans, long socks, and long sleeved button up for work. and then the next day-- sunshine and rainbows, literally. the calendar marks are slowly getting too close to our last show and the memories are starting to flood. i made an album on facebook of most of the pictures that i have taken this summer. heaven knows that there are way more adventures than have been captured on film.




i also realized that i have been slacking severely on my study of the Book of Mormon and Preach My Gospel. i really need to work on that, so that i can be prepared to put my mission papers in! i have been waiting for this day for a while, and the day is coming more quickly than i had imagined. in just over a month, i will hopefully sitting in my bishop's office, starting the process!

two of the girls and three of the girls that i graduated with are in the mission field (which reminds me that it's time to start writing for the month...) and i can't wait to join them. one of my friends is serving in the mission that includes utah state, which is especially funny because she went to byu before her mission. just makes life that much more fun. i love her though, and i am so excited for her.

also, check out a blog for me. byuadventurous.blogspot.com  this is another one of the girls that i graduated with and she's pretty much the cutest.

where does the time go?

seriously, i feel like the summer still has months left in it. instead, there are just three short weeks between me and the beginning of a semester that i won't be participating in. maybe that's why i'm so lost. summer blends straight into fall for me, so there is no clear deadline for fun in the near future. my summer break extends clear into the fall break for my siblings.

so, where has the time gone? we made a weekend out of a stay in Grace, Idaho {aka the perfect small farming community.} i personally had a blast! we drove down friday night after show a few weeks ago and slept all over Momma Brady's house and lawn. we woke up the next morning to Momma Brady's delicious breakfast burritos and the discussion about some mexican salsa/pico de gallo. most of us spent the day wandering around Logan. i had some errands to run, so i went and saw Grandma Allen while i was there {but mostly to go shopping at Casa de la Grandma.}

once most of us were back from Logan, we helped Momma Brady with some outside chores as payback. because 20 hands make much lighter work than the two she was working with. ;) after the ground was good enough that she could lay seed, we went and did the only fun things to do in Grace: flooming and jumping at 60. what is that, you may ask? flooming is dangerously riding down the canal water down a floom {picture a slide suspended 200 feet above the river, and you have enough of an idea to get it} and then skipping across rotting boards laid along the top of the floom. jumping from 60 is about what it sounds like: jumping from a rock that extends over a spot in the river that is 60 feet deep. it was high enough, i probably could have attempted to tuck and roll, but i didn't get up the nerve to. a perfect summer bar-b-que and a sketchy game of kick the can later, we played a Bourne movie outside. one of those picturesque summer days full of dumb things you will probably never forget.

update on the love life: still sucks. Great Cuddler's missionary came home and i've been trying with futility to try and play it off cool. one of the girl's that i work with and Great Cuddler had a little stint, but they both agreed that it wasn't going to work and he apologized for dating someone after promising me that he wasn't going to date anyone because of the aforementioned missionary. a few weeks later, i get another cowboy to cuddle with. let's call him Cuddle Slut. he admits to it, so i don't feel bad about calling him one. Cuddle Slut is fantastic at the cuddle game. so good that i fell asleep in his arms for a solid week straight. no judgement needed. it was fantastic and i loved it. but then he stopped and we haven't cuddle since. so, please no judgement.

i got to ride a horse! and best thing about it: i got to do it for free! the resident Buckskin and i went on our day off and it was great. besides the saddle soreness that i had for the next three days. the views were amazing and the horse i had was pretty good. he seemed to really like the vegetation, but what horse doesn't?! let me just say, A-OK Corrals is the place to call up for a horseback-ride in Jackson. #shamelessplug

o yeah, and then this thing called a birthday happened. it's crazy, you wait all summer for one day to come, and then when that day comes, you can hardly believe it. and then the rest of the summer feels like it's running through an hourglass. nineteen was officially the dumbest birthday ever. except for maybe the gifts: birthday breakfast at Bubba's with Great Cuddler's cousin and Track Star {she's pretty much the best runner at ISU and is fantastic}, two new western shirts, a Jackson Hole t-shirt, a random collection of awesomeness from my friends, the most amazing orange Tennessee pants ever!, a "Home" t-shirt that my Momma made me and then a new belt for my new buckle! Momma Heather {the house cook} made me the most delicious Angel Food Cake with a strawberry glaze on it. i literally thought i was going to die of the perfection of it.

this past weekend was the Graves Family Reunion! this year, not at Lake Powell, but at Bear Lake. Grandma and Grandpa are on a mission, so we decided to do the reunion a little closer to them so that they could at least come up for the weekend. originally i was going to ask for the whole reunion off, but i decided to just take friday and saturday. friday i ended up spending as our "teenage outing" and driving around Ogden with Berkeley and Madeline and their EFY friend. it was different, but we had a lot of fun. Olive Garden, crazy selfies as we drove down the highway, and then a little bit of wasting time at Grandma and Grandpa's. i missed the sunny day at the beach, but we had a lot of fun. saturday we went up to Minnetoka Cave and hiked a 888-round trip stair cave route. 40 degrees constantly and up and down through the earth. i was originally nervous about hiking through a cave, but they have rock and metal stairs through the whole thing. we did end up spending a little bit of time on the beach, but unfortunately for me, it was in the evening on an overcast day. we played the cheeto-shaving cream-shower cap game with all the cousins and it ended up in a shaving cream-shoving fight. only a few people ended up with shaving cream in their eyes, but it was worth the little bit of pain. best fun that i have ever started with all the cousins. ;)




  

time.

what a weird four letter word. it holds so much power with it, too. 

it's bizarre to think that two years ago today, i was frantically finishing a presentation for the parents of governor's school participants. a year ago today, i was hanging out around the house, worrying about chores and packing for a road trip two weeks out. today, i'm worrying about getting the smoke out of the blankets i took camping last night and about getting a cowboy to pay enough attention to me to take me out. 

time. what a silly thing. my friends have their mission calls and are preparing for the fateful day when they will enter the MTC. other friends are fretting over the details of another fateful day: their wedding day. and yet others are worrying about getting all their summer vacation tucked into the next few weeks. then there's me, just worrying about my job, my crippled love life, and remembering people's names. 

time. it slips away from you. i can't believe that i haven't seen my sister in six weeks, my family in six months, some of my friends in over a year. it's just wrong. it makes me ache for the "good times" back. those careless summer nights when we played hide-and-go-seek in the backyard of nice neighbors. those crazy fall nights when i spent all night in a ridiculous costume, freezing my butt off, cheering for the football team. those awful spring nights where i was up until midnight or one am writing a paper. i'm gonna say it: i miss high school. don't get me wrong, there are something things i DON'T miss. but the simplicity of life sure was nice. i miss my laurel friends. the semi-adult life stinks, man.

i want the simplicity of life back. 

Summer Job 2k14

The most wonderful place ever. 

I'm working here for the summer and I love it. The atmosphere is fantastic and the people here love their jobs too. And I found a cute guy who seems to have the similar feelings for me. He's a good cuddle buddy and he found that secret ticklish spot and he likes to abuse its powers. But that's okay. I can get him to crumble because I know his ticklish spot. Muh-hahahahaha.

The summer has been great so far. I'm working for one of the beautiful local companies and I love it. The whole crew stays in the same house and it's a party always. If you want to do something, you've got three volunteers to go with you. I'm working at the office, but I still get to spend the time I want to around HORSES! I got to ride one early last week and it was amazing. I haven't ridden in a saddle, by myself in over 12 years. I rode a saddle-broke draft horse bareback a few years back, but that's a little bit different...
The horses that we work with are either 2000 lb behemoth draft horses or cute, "little" 1000 lb paint horses. I love it. My allergies don't, but ehh. A little Alavert and a nice bath afterwards and I'm totally fine!

One day after lunch, the majority of the crew decided that a back massage sounded amazing. I opted out on the account that I tended to make less than appropriate noises when I get a back massage unless I really think hard about not.

It started as a harmless pillow fight. Then, it escalated to a wrestling match wherein she ended up in the dirty, living room rug. Water got involved. And then the joke about "Round 3: Mud" was made and they took it seriously. He ended with a horse patty to the mouth/face and she ended up slam dunked into the dirt. They called it a draw.

I finally found some polish and took a few minutes (more like 30) to make them look beautiful. Yeah, then I got asked to poop scoop the next night and it's been downhill from there.

We had a crew game night at one of the boss's homes on Sunday and a few people ended up playing Twister. Then they moved to Swedish Twister (which doesn't require much, just some major flexibility). Then we played The Bucket Game. So. Much. Fun.
{The fun guy with the mustache is our resident Buckskin.
The one picking his noise is the cousin of Great Cuddler.
The dark-haired beauty is one of the cutest wranglers on staff.
The pretty blonde is my roommate and our wonderful housekeeper. }

There is a large group of crew members who will go out in the mornings before work and exercise.
Mentally insane, all of them.
But, one day this smaller subgroup decided to do some yoga and it was too much of an opportunity to pass up.

This is possibly the most popular view of the house: eyes shut. Even though my bedroom is right off the living room, I find it very difficult to make it to bed some nights. There are just a few couches that are too comfortable to move from. And then, add a good cuddler to the mix. Yeah, bad idea.
{This fellar is one of the main men on campus. He's kind of in charge of horses. Great guy. Not Great Cuddler.}

This cowgirl got a hat. This is one of the better outfits I have worn for show.

a case made.

boys always say that girls are super complicated.

well, can I make a case that the males in our lives are the reasons that we are deemed "complicated."

point number #1:
this one begins with a story. friday night, provolone, never nude, rae, panic, and i gathered some friends and went over to never nude's home for a bonfire and some *clean* fun. i invited HIM out of good friendship and thought nothing more of it. friday night came and we had made our way over with out friends. HE showed up late with an unexpected guest: a girl. that i had never met before. {now, before i sound like a jealous wench, let me say: no. i am not. but it did bug me that i got NO notice that HE was a bringing a girl, or even a friend along with.} i kind of let it go, and i brought them around to the rest of the party and he didn't even introduce her and she made no effort to do it either. the rest of the evening my roommates and friends festered over and were calling him slightly inappropriate things to the fire. {i feel bad for the fire; it never did anything to us to deserve the conversation that we had with it.} he and his friend-girl stayed to themselves, and the only words he said to me THE ENTIRE NIGHT were "[insert her name here] got called into work. see ya later. thanks." i was fuming. i waited until i could see his truck driving away before i screamed "a$$ hole" after his taillights. it felt good. point number one: my trust will not be given out so easily.

point number #2:
they all have to play the "rough and tough" game and so dang aloof the whole time. why?! we WANT to get to know you and we want to understand how your brain can work so differently than ours. i like it when i don't have to jump through flaming hoops to get to know you. girls act like we don't like you because we can't read your feelings for us and when we do show you our feelings, we just get trampled on. don't hurt us and then we can be less complicated. JUST LET US IN. point number two: we just want to understand you.

point number #3:
the brain is complicated. so is life. so naturally, we are both complicated in our own rights. but boys, more so.

interesting.

My friend post this link on Facebook today, and I was intrigued. So, I took the little seven question quiz to figure out which Miranda Lambert song I am.

And it hit it pretty dang close to home. (pun not intended) "The House That Built Me" is the song that they came up with.

"You are sentimental and thoughtful. Life hasn’t always been kind to you, but you would not change a thing. You take to heart the lessons you’ve learned and are a better person because of them. You enjoy a slower pace of life these days. You appreciate the few extremely close friends and family in your life more than a big group of acquaintances."

Hit the nail pretty close to home. I do enjoy little moments, and little snippets of life. I enjoy life, and even though sometimes I hate it, I learn from it and attempt to move on. {As you can see, sometimes, it's easier said than done.} I miss the slower pace of home, and I really don't like the quick pace of school right now. I love my close friends, and I find it really hard to let people in, because the some of the people I have let get close end up hurting me (although, in their defense) unbeknownst to them. 

I love my life and although there are a few things I want in my life, I have everything I need. A great family, a loving Father in Heaven who loves me no matter what dumb things I do, faith in His plan, an amazing education, and great friends. 

the logan hot tubs

apparently close at eleven.

so we almost got a citation when we showed up at Rae’s friend’s hot tubs and the po-pos showed up. #awkward…

but he was chill and wasn't overly annoying about the fact that we were a bunch of college students in a hot tub after hours. thank you cop. you earned respect.


we looked too good in our swimsuits to not share with the world our awesomeness.

       Panic                 Rae                    Never Nude              Me

spring break

was interesting. Work was having a HUGE sale, so it was hopeless to even think about asking for it off. So, I took other people's shifts so that they could go and do spring break things.

my roommates ditched me on Sunday. thankfully, Aunt Colee that asked if I would like to come to dinner, so after church I ditched town as fast as possible.

monday: lonely cleaning, some Big Bang Theory, donating plasma (made $35, too!) then work. I had plans to go up to Rigby that night at stay with my aunt and her chillens, but I was late leaving Logan because I locked me keys in my car. First time for everything, right? Thankfully I have some good friends who were able to take me back to my apartment and then back to work to pick up my car, so the whole ordeal only cost me $3 (for the manager to open my apartment) rather than the ticket for a locksmith. With that in mind, I made it to Rigby around 11 pm on Monday... longest drive of my life. Two and half hours by yourself is not fun. Especially when it decides to snow.

tuesday: a lot more fun. i got to hang out with my cousins and help me aunt out a tiny little ounce. i learned that just because your picture is on the fridge, doesn't mean that your youngest cousin will recognize you, or even cuddle with you when he is sick. Urn was nice enough to zone my feet that night while we watched Season 2 of Downtown Abbey and o my gosh! it was wonderful. if you have never had it done, it's like the best worst foot massage ever.

wednesday: i stayed up in Rigby until noon-ish because i had to work (i mentioned that i hate work, right?). that night i came home to the guys who live next door in the apartment across the hall (*disclaimer* one of the boys has a sister that lives in that apartment) even though none of the girls were home. come to find out that they just wanted some putty to fix a whole in the wall. i hung out with them for a few hours, but still ended up going to bed around eleven because we ran out of things to do/talk about.

thursday: i invited some friends over for breakfast and it was a lot of fun. pancakes, fruit, friends. such great things! work wasn't too bad that night because i got off a few minutes early. hallelujah! thursday was also the day that i found out that Mormon boys do sit around in just their underwear when they are alone. just trust me.

friday: no work to pass the time, so i finished a season of Big Bang Theory and then I took my healthy self and went and donated plasma and made FIFTY BUCKS! (go and donate plasma, put my name down as a reference. #shamelessplug) Then I called up Aunt Fluffy and asked if I could come and borrow her laundry equipment for a few hours. She of course had no problem with it, so I went and helped out her and did my five loads of laundry at her house. yeah, Rae and I do five loads of laundry every two weeks. I would have stayed the night with Fluffy, but I had to work Saturday morning, so I decided I should probably get a good night's rest.

saturday: a 10:30 to 7 shift. a heavenly shift as a cashier. call me crazy, but I seriously love that shift! i got to sleep in, go to work, and still had enough of an evening to go and hang out with my single uncle, Juan, and his friends that night without being super exhausted! some of my friends had returned by the time I got done with work, so I hung out for a little while with them and caught up on their adventures of Spring Break.

sunday: ward council at 10:30 was slim, but spiritual as ever. Bambi came home about a half an hour before church started, so I got to have at least one friend at church with me. :) i ended up being the chorister in sacrament meeting because the chorister was still out with her family, and the organist (who was one of my close friends!) let me fall asleep on the stand!!! thankfully, i was pretty well hidden behind the organ, so only one or two people could see me, but I apparently missed a really awesome talk. i was super bummed... after church i had to kind of twiddle my thumbs and find things to do before my roommates started coming home (Bambi left with her family after church, so she wasn't home until later). I did a little happy dance when Rae and Panic finally made it home. Never Nude and Provolone made it home a little bit before they, but they were busy putting together a new bookshelf for Provolone.

nevertheless, it was okay. lonely and long, but okay.